all the world tiptoes around me.
only those who wanted me
will spare a tender thought for me.
but even of those very few,
i think that they small yet kind few
will very soon neglect me too.
anyone will do, they said
they do not have to be well-read
we will still keep them warm and fed.
that is what they said to me
upon the day they collected me
and from my heartache i was free.
yet interactions form unease;
an avalanche of uncomfortablities
and cultural theatricalities.
i am thankful for the woman who
in her job of filing through
papers, ticked a box or two
that matched my skin to those
who would happily disclose
a want to save me from dispose.
i am thankful for my outward mask
that keeps the questions people ask
at bay. it is a nightmare task
but i am thankful every day
for layers of pigment tucked away
that make me at at a glance
a someone who had no chance
to fit into this social dance
on personal merit all alone.
welcomed into stranger’s home,
placed on a cactus throne.
the deeds of those who cared
cannot change that one declared
a life too full to then be shared.
wait until some jilt in peace
threatens our family lease
and see what feelings be released.
shall i ever cease to moan?
only when my place is known
and haunting doubts are overthrown.
for i am like a bottle top
whose bottle long has been forgot,
and cannot fluid fully stop.
i sit and wait my life away,
there does not pass a single day
when thoughts of realness flood my way.
i wish they would just let me play,
or tell me that i should not stay!
but in between, i can’t delay.