Every Single Emotion

Hello, my fine friends. A great deal has happened since we last spoke. This has been a week of a LOT of self growth, challenge, emotion and heartbreak. If I could speak to myself a couple of weeks ago, let alone a year or so ago, I feel we would be different enough to actually get along.

To begin with, a friend from university offered me the opportunity to go and interview Lucy Rose, a singer who I’ve been a big fan of for several years now. Obviously, I jumped at the chance. It was something I’d never done before. She asked me to interview her before her gig, then go to the gig and review it. I prepared my questions, practiced recording myself asking them and rehearsed my warm and welcoming smile in the mirror. Little did I know, the car park (where the car that would take me to the interview was parked) had been closed temporarily, the taxi I then called would go to the entirely wrong place and the one they sent after would be twenty minutes late. Of course, being the totally hip and cool tour manager that he was, my being late was “literally nothing to worry about it,” and I got my interview done and dusted. The stress I felt in that hour before was the worst I’d felt in a long time. I think I actually cried on the side of the road. And I wasn’t even being interviewed?!?!?!

Anyway, that was a big moment for me. It was lovely to go to the gig too, and watch her perform the songs I’d been listening to on the bus for years. If you don’t know her, she’s quite fantastic and I’ll put a couple cheeky links at the end of this post so you can check her out.

The second challenge this week was going on the CU Weekend Away. Surrounded by lots of new people for two days filled me with a LOT of anxiety but I knew that I’d be proud of myself if I went. And I don’t regret it in any way. I felt my faith grow, began some new friendships and began questioning so much about myself. I don’t find it easy to make new friends, to start conversations – and I really felt that during the weekend. It’s difficult to keep reassuring yourself that true friendships can take time to develop. Being surrounded by so many people who know God and who love him gave me a new sense of being okay to be me. It’s okay that I’m not the quickest wit or the funniest joker or the talented singer, because he made me to be his daughter and that’s what I need to focus on. However, I did write a pretty SiCk poem and feeling at ease to read it out in front of people gave me a sense of comfort and strength.

Then the worst came. The attacks in Paris really hit home with me, as I’m sure they did with so many people. It’s that feeling of being unsafe, every moment being so precious. When I came home from the weekend away and saw my boyfriend again, every emotion inside me spilled out. It’s the fact that it could have been him. It could have been my mum, my dad, my brothers or sister, my friends. You just don’t know what is going to happen. I spend the good part of an hour crying on the phone to my mum on Sunday night, just coming to terms with the fact that my boyfriend, who I feel so strongly is my soul mate, doesn’t know Jesus and won’t have that security of heaven and paradise waiting for him if the worst were to happen. You never realise how much you love someone until you think about losing them.

If there’s anything I’ve learnt in the last week, it’s take every SINGLE opportunity when it comes knocking and don’t waste a moment. It’s fine to cry, to laugh, to get angry, but don’t be bleak. Don’t live without passion and don’t live with boredom. Make the most of every single minute, and I don’t mean try and be happy all the time. Just LIVE, live with emotion and excitement and change and progress.

Here’s some things I’ve been enjoying this week.

Lucy Rose – Like An Arrow

Flyte – Please Eloise

These guys ^ were Lucy Rose’s support and they’re excellent.

BYEEEEE

 

 

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